Some days I feel engulfed,
Smothered by the tenacious fetor,
Of past misdeeds, untrue words or harsh thoughts,
That weaken me so I curl up and hide.
Under a warm duvet of pretence,
False comforts of rich food and wine,
I find paltry balm. Until I awaken,
To the debris I’ve buried myself in.
I curse myself for dwelling,
In these dark dingey parts of me.
Yet my attention is stuck here,
Entrenched in dank sticky mud.
It’s like a flashlight is exposing all,
This ugly dross I’ve hidden from myself.
The anger that I’d stashed under the carpet,
The grief that I’d placed out of sight.
“It’s a gift”, He whispers gently,
Lifting the veil I’d placed over my eyes.
And I see the illuminator of this pain,
The bearer of the torch, is my Beloved.
He shows me how each hidden gripe,
Each speck of vanity, fear or remorse,
When seen in the gaze of His compassion,
Is a precious lesson in what I am not.
We sweep them up together.
Dredging the channels of my consciousness,
Of these memories, gathered like driftwood,
That weigh me down and block my view.
With the eyes of a lioness,
Batting away her precocious cubs,
I throw these children of my creation,
Into the river of His abundant love.
And embrace the wisdom they bring.
Unexpected truths gained through harsh experience,
Hard fought attainments released in an instant’s clarity.
The purpose of all lifetimes revolutionised in a flash.
I watch the chaff being washed away,
In a torrent of love that fills my being.
And see that the agony of this illumination,
Is just a calling to embody what I truly I am.
In this divine alchemy,
This dissolving of particles no longer needed,
The true me becomes clearer, lighter.
Ready to rise up to a greater radiance.